NuVision Signature Edition tablet: WTF no USB boot!?

So, I’ve got this rather useless tablet. Useless because NO POWER MANAGEMENT and because half the time Windows refuses to wake from sleep, forcing me to hard-reset it.

I’m trying to install Neverware’s CloudReady build of Chromium OS on this thing purely as an experiment, but there’s no apparent way to boot it from USB. At all. I’ve disabled SecureBoot in UEFI, but that doesn’t matter. I’m using a 32-bit build of the OS, due to an amateurish bug in the Bay Trail firmware that won’t boot a 64-bit UEFI image. Nothing. The AMI UEFI doesn’t offer a boot menu at startup, and the only option in Windows 10’s advanced troubleshooting menu is the built-in UEFI shell, which seems to have NO COMMANDS FOR BOOTING DEVICES.

So I’m left with the impression that TMax, the OEM of this turd, put effort into making sure it can’t boot from USB, but simply decided that proper power management support was beyond the pale.

Fscking genius, people.

Anyway, anyone else have one of these and figured out how to boot from USB? Mine is the TM800W560L. I’m not holding out much hope, but I thought I’d ask.