iPhone Day (Premium)

You can’t make this stuff up. All you can do is tell the tale.

Weeks ago, my wife and I looked at the spare time we had between then and a September 30 flight–to Dallas for a work event on the way to Mexico City for six weeks–so we could schedule a few things before that trip. We picked this weekend to drive up to Rochester, New York to visit our son. Since then, Apple held its “Glowtime” event, and announced the iPhone 16 series handsets and some other new hardware. I preordered a iPhone 16 Pro Max. Which was set to arrive today, Friday, September 20. The same day we’d already scheduled for our drive to Rochester. Of course.

I told her about the mishap, silently hoping she hadn’t planned anything important for that night. She reacted better than expected. Hopefully, the iPhone would arrive earlier, ideally the previous day, I suggested, hopefully. But even if it arrived late in the day, I promised her we’d still drive up then, and that the most we’d miss would be a potential dinner on Friday night. As the day got closer, I checked with UPS My Choice for a clue about the delivery time. And when it came, the news was as expected: The iPhone would arrive on Friday, of course, no chance of that miracle happening, and it would arrive late in the day, between 1:15 and 4:15 pm.

Here’s the problem: At our current home, we’re at the tail end of whatever UPS route delivers here. So where I used to get UPS deliveries early in the morning at our two previous homes in Pennsylvania–the house we lived in for six years and the apartment we lived in for most of 2023–they arrive late in the day here. Sometimes really late. This has screwed up more than one evening out in the past. So I wasn’t at all hopeful.

This morning, D-Day, er, iPhone day arrived. I woke up and got to work. I wrote Ask Paul as usual, but I also checked the news from time-to-time because Laurent has the day off. I kept an eye on UPS My Choice just in case, seeing that the iPhone had arrived in nearby Bethlehem, PA at 6:51 am and was on the truck for delivery before 9:30 am. My wife packed. I did Duolingo so I wouldn’t need to worry about it later in the day. And when lunch arrived, I headed out to pick something up, as I do on Friday’s, asking my wife to look out for UPS. You never know. Maybe it was a big enough day that they deployed extra trucks and the delivery would be at an usual time. I suggested, hopefully.

I drove to the place, grabbed the food, drove back home, and pulled into the garage. And then, getting out of the car, it happened.

I heard the loud BEEP BEEP BEEP-BEEP signaling that UPS had arrived, like Santa riding in his sleigh on Christmas morning. I told this story on this past week’s Windows Weekly, but the UPS driver has me trained in a Pavlovian way (a Paulovian way, if you will) to come running outside when he beeps, saving him from having to get off the truck, and I’m happy to oblige given how many packages we get. But this was unusually good news. It wasn’t even 12:30! We could be in Rochester by 5:00. We’d be there in time for dinner. I had previously thought there was no way we were going to make dinner. I couldn’t believe it.

I walked over to the UPS truck as it backed in, willing myself to slow down and not to skip to it like a little girl. The driver we’ve come to know so well was waving enthusiastically, happy to have caught me outside. He parked, hopped out the seat, and went into the back. This can’t be happening, I thought. It never works out this well. I looked over to the front door of the condo. My wife was standing in the doorway, having heard the beeps as well, beaming. Her husband had not disappointed her for once. This was actually going to work out for all of us.

I could hear the driver futzing around in the back, could hear boxes being dropped and moved around again and again. I told him I was surprised to see him here so early, and he told me that this was an unusual thing: He had gone off the usual route because of several packages in the same area and he was here hours ahead of schedule. He may have stopped here just for me. It’s happening, I thought again. It’s really happening.

But he never came out. He kept tossing boxes around, grunting. He asked what I was getting. A phone, I told him. I figured it was extra busy today because the new iPhone had just come out. He seemed surprised by this. Not really, he told me. Though looking at the boxes back there, he noted there were several Apple boxes that were clearly phones. He kept digging.

You’re expecting this today, right? he asked, as my worries suddenly exploded. This can’t be happening. Even God, that hateful prankster, would not stoop this low. My food was getting cold. I looked over at my wife, who was no longer smiling. I looked away. I knew what came next.

I don’t see it, he finally told me. Perhaps it’s on a different truck for some reason. If I was told it was coming today, it would come today, he said, seeming positive of this. But he had nothing for me. I told the driver about the Rochester trip, how this would have been perfect timing. He asked when we were leaving. The second the phone arrives, I answered, hoping he’d surprise me by suddenly showing me the box. But he just stared at me. Sorry.

And then he left, pulling out of the drive without delivering a package to anyone nearby. Me or anyone else. Later, I’d wonder about that. He had pulled in, right in front of our place. There are only four condos in our little area. He had beeped repeatedly, which I think he only does for me. But he had not dropped off a single package. Curious.

I went inside, dejected. Somehow, the unexpected hope of an early delivery that was just as quickly squashed felt worse than just waiting. Plus, it introduced a nagging doubt. What if it didn’t arrive until later, much later, like tomorrow? That would screw up this weekend royally. It would lead to questions and then an argument. What was more important, this stupid phone or our son, and why on earth did I order this damn thing to arrive on the exact day we were supposed to leave on a long drive? I had no choice in this matter, I had told my wife earlier. But as I said that, I realized I could have done something I’d never done, and just had it delivered to the local Apple Store for pickup on whatever schedule. Why hadn’t I even considered that?

We ate lunch. I worked a bit, listlessly. I took a shower and got dressed. I packed, and then I put the bigger bags in the car, so we could start the 4- to 5-hour drive to Rochester, whenever it happened, as soon as possible. I waited. I worked. I waited more, and I worked more. And then some more. More trucks came. FedEx. Amazon. Even the post office, which is unusual. But not UPS.

I began to hear nothing but trucks, nearby. Perhaps some were imaginary. I started to lose focus.

Finally, it arrived. At just after 6 pm.

The UPS truck, this time with a different driver and no beeping. The handoff, the driver indifferent to the time and not knowing the angst. The time lost, the time we could have spent on the road, ahead of sunset, in time for dinner. Ahead of a missed night out.

And so I tossed the little box and the iPhone case I previously purchased into my bag and headed out to the car. I would have to look at it later. I had driving to do, plus I’d be using my Pixel 9 Pro XL on my Google Fi SIM for at least the next several days so I could finish my review of that device. The iPhone could wait, the irony of that fact consuming me.

But perhaps you want to know about the iPhone 16 Pro Max. What’s to know? It’s an iPhone. Another freaking iPhone. Same as the last, just slightly different.

I have wasted my day. I hope I’ve not wasted my life.